It is a difficult thing to live in the present. I’m reading a book that encourages the cultivation of a deep awareness of the present moment, of a recognition of the soul over the ego. But I am also living in a period of transition right now. As our time in Germany draws to an end, Leigh and I must look to what is next, which means looking forward and, for better or for worse, fashioning plans, no matter how tentative. I must look for job opportunities (and, when turned down, do my best to dust myself off and maintain this deep awareness of the present moment and this recognition of the soul). We must consider how it will be possible, in light of a struggling economy, to even make ends meet or how bread will find its way to the table. We must concern ourselves with Katy’s Jo’s needs – what will she eat, what will she wear, how will she learn? And soon, that will be replaced by where she will learn among other questions that come with age.
Having faith that things will turn out all right is a very difficult thing. In this life, we have to rely on others to help us navigate the system, whether it is networking with others in order to find a good job, establishing relationships with counselors and teachers so we can have help us in rearing and teaching our children, or even simply sitting down with friends over a bottle of wine and some conversation to share our opinions on how we go on surviving each and every day.
As for me, I do my best to maintain trust in God. I am thankful that the opposite of faith is not doubt. If so, none of us could claim faith. The opposite of faith is despair, and even at times when I feel myself slipping into this miry pit, I remember that God has blessed me with two things: people who, in their wisdom, can help me through, and breath in my lungs that keeps me waking up each morning to make the impossible future the possible present.



